I have a big heart. Always have, always will. Even in my current state, where I have virtually nothing, I am always thinking about the other person. I can't explain it, just never have been a selfish person like many.
I had the weirdest dream last night. I don't know if all of this stress has triggered me dreaming something like this, but it was weird. I dreamed that things were hard for me, but suddenly, I became very wealthy somehow (don't ask me....i can't remember how.....i woke up! lol) Suddenly, I went from walking everywhere to driving my dream car a BMW 750! (I actually woke up feeling guilty that I had such a nice car. Can you believe it? I felt guilty about.......a dream!) I had a nice condo or house with as many rooms as I could see in a dream. My kitchen cupboards were stocked to the hilt. That part I remember very well. And yet, what stood out most in this dream, is that every day I would get up, and start cooking, and filling to-go containers with food. I would then assemble everything that was needed for a homeless person to enjoy a meal. I then loaded my new Black BMW (beautiful) with all of this food. I stuffed it with as much as I could. I knew what it's like to be hungry for even a moment. So I packed my car so that no one would have to go hungry. Then I went on the "prowl". Driving by parks, abandoned lots and anywhere that I knew there would be homeless people. Then I would get out, and start handing out the to-go boxes. It was a weird dream.....but a very good one. I felt like Oprah on "The Big Give"!
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Walls Are Closing In.....!
I have CLAUSTROPHOBIA! This in a city that is getting smaller by the minute. I love DC, but there are times when my claustrophobia / anxiety disorder get's the better part of me. There are times when I have to sacrifice what little resources I have to get away from the city for a minute. I've lived in NY and New Jersey also......suffocated!
DC has fit the bill so far. But it's changing, and becoming more Metro-whatever. It's kind of a good thing tho.......because i'm witnessing history being made. But bad for me, because I can't cope sometimes. The amount of people in some locations, i.e. China Town, Union Station areas and many more, is stifling sometimes. I deal with it the best way that I can. I'm like a side-winding snake or a crab....I avoid the crowds many times. Don't get me wrong, I can go to events, shows, movies etc. (my buddy took me to see D.L. Hughley about 2 weeks ago) but I have to leave soon eventually when the crowds start to M.O.V.E.
DC has fit the bill so far. But it's changing, and becoming more Metro-whatever. It's kind of a good thing tho.......because i'm witnessing history being made. But bad for me, because I can't cope sometimes. The amount of people in some locations, i.e. China Town, Union Station areas and many more, is stifling sometimes. I deal with it the best way that I can. I'm like a side-winding snake or a crab....I avoid the crowds many times. Don't get me wrong, I can go to events, shows, movies etc. (my buddy took me to see D.L. Hughley about 2 weeks ago) but I have to leave soon eventually when the crowds start to M.O.V.E.
Better Beginnings
Back in the day.....life was much better for me. I come from a good family, where I was always provided for, and had the best. Even when I became an adult, I worked hard in almost everything that I did. I've been in and out of Corporate America for many years now. The gigs that I've had paid me out the wazooooo, and basically paid you for "just showing up". I've been used to having the best when it comes to apartments, condos, and homes. So you see, I have'nt always been homeless. It just goes to show that it can happen to anyone and anytime.
I was caught off guard the first time that it happened. I had failed to plan ahead, and it cost me dearly. I remember it well. My first corporate down-sizing! What is down-sizing, I said? I had never heard the terminology before. I learned very quickly, and boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I remember getting my "pink" slip. Wasn't even "pink". I felt cheated! (lol) At least give me what you say you're going to give me.....right? You're giving me a pink slip.....that's not even pink! (I can find the humor in this now.....even though at the time....it was devastating).
Being that it was my first time, as I said, I was not prepared. I was used to having thousands of dollars in the bank, travelling with friends, eating at the best establishments etc. I had a nice car at the time.....which basically saved my hide. Everything started to reverse on me with the job loss. No longer did I have the mega cash on hand, no more eating out....to expensive. The so-called friends....bailed out on me. Bills started to mount. My savings......wiped out. Zero. Zilch. Then came the fabled EVICTION NOTICE! Uggggh! I still have problems saying that word now. My nerves were shot. I was scared out of my gourd. I ended up selling or giving my furniture to neighbors and friends, and put whatever else I could in storage. I couldn't even afford a large enough storage area to house all of my vintage, and antique furniture. (That still pains me to this day. One of a kind items. Irreplaceable!)
Anyhow, to make a long story short, everything being dissolved from the home location, it was me and my car now. I remember finding a little gig thru a temp agency. Having a gym membership, I could still shower etc and clean up to go to work. I wanted to work. I wasn't used to not working. So I slept in my car, drove every morning to B_ _ _ _' _, worked out briefly at 5 and 6 am, just like now, and then went to work.
What made this time so difficult was that it was going into the winter month's. And at the time, I was in the mid-west. Midwest winters are "NO JOKE"! Temperatures in the teens, with a windchill factor added in! Whew! I remember putting blankets, and comforters in my car trunk. It was soooooo cold. I would drive around and find quiet, private spots where I would be undetected on the street. I wanted it to appear that my car was just a parked car, and no-one would be the wiser. Until those night at 2 a.m. when you have to go take a whiz in -10 below weather. ( Note to self: May you never again "piss into the wind"!) I remember having to start the car 'every 5-10 minutes. I counted by my watch, and it seemed that every 8 minutes, my fingers and toes would go numb. I couldn't risk any frost-bite damage to my hands especially, since I made my living with my hands etc......'typing, multi-tasking'. I had to learn a lot of little tricks to survive. It was harder in the mid-west than here in DC. There weren't all the "agencies" that there are here to help you out. So in order to eat somedays, I had to charge lunch on my gas cards, and store the food in my trunk. Only things that were non-perishable though. Also, it had to be something that could be eaten at the time, because in this weather, anything else would be frozen if left in the car. And I had no microwave or any way to warm it up.
Just a brief overview of my 'first time'. I would never wish it on anyone. But just goes to show that it can happen to anyone, no matter what status in life.
I was caught off guard the first time that it happened. I had failed to plan ahead, and it cost me dearly. I remember it well. My first corporate down-sizing! What is down-sizing, I said? I had never heard the terminology before. I learned very quickly, and boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I remember getting my "pink" slip. Wasn't even "pink". I felt cheated! (lol) At least give me what you say you're going to give me.....right? You're giving me a pink slip.....that's not even pink! (I can find the humor in this now.....even though at the time....it was devastating).
Being that it was my first time, as I said, I was not prepared. I was used to having thousands of dollars in the bank, travelling with friends, eating at the best establishments etc. I had a nice car at the time.....which basically saved my hide. Everything started to reverse on me with the job loss. No longer did I have the mega cash on hand, no more eating out....to expensive. The so-called friends....bailed out on me. Bills started to mount. My savings......wiped out. Zero. Zilch. Then came the fabled EVICTION NOTICE! Uggggh! I still have problems saying that word now. My nerves were shot. I was scared out of my gourd. I ended up selling or giving my furniture to neighbors and friends, and put whatever else I could in storage. I couldn't even afford a large enough storage area to house all of my vintage, and antique furniture. (That still pains me to this day. One of a kind items. Irreplaceable!)
Anyhow, to make a long story short, everything being dissolved from the home location, it was me and my car now. I remember finding a little gig thru a temp agency. Having a gym membership, I could still shower etc and clean up to go to work. I wanted to work. I wasn't used to not working. So I slept in my car, drove every morning to B_ _ _ _' _, worked out briefly at 5 and 6 am, just like now, and then went to work.
What made this time so difficult was that it was going into the winter month's. And at the time, I was in the mid-west. Midwest winters are "NO JOKE"! Temperatures in the teens, with a windchill factor added in! Whew! I remember putting blankets, and comforters in my car trunk. It was soooooo cold. I would drive around and find quiet, private spots where I would be undetected on the street. I wanted it to appear that my car was just a parked car, and no-one would be the wiser. Until those night at 2 a.m. when you have to go take a whiz in -10 below weather. ( Note to self: May you never again "piss into the wind"!) I remember having to start the car 'every 5-10 minutes. I counted by my watch, and it seemed that every 8 minutes, my fingers and toes would go numb. I couldn't risk any frost-bite damage to my hands especially, since I made my living with my hands etc......'typing, multi-tasking'. I had to learn a lot of little tricks to survive. It was harder in the mid-west than here in DC. There weren't all the "agencies" that there are here to help you out. So in order to eat somedays, I had to charge lunch on my gas cards, and store the food in my trunk. Only things that were non-perishable though. Also, it had to be something that could be eaten at the time, because in this weather, anything else would be frozen if left in the car. And I had no microwave or any way to warm it up.
Just a brief overview of my 'first time'. I would never wish it on anyone. But just goes to show that it can happen to anyone, no matter what status in life.
Please Try Your Call Again......
It never ceases to amaze me.....the few close friends and associates that "know" of my "situation", know that I have a pre-paid cell phone. It seems at the worst possible moments, that they call, and just want to "yack". I can't blame them tho....they are just worried about me, and sometimes don't hear from me for a while. So they call me up (only 6 minutes pre-paid time left mind you...lol) and want to tell me about how the family is, things going on at the office, the color of the new car I bought, how many sales I made yesterday...etc.
They get a little upset or out of sorts sometimes when I cut the call short. But they fail to remember or realize that I don't have a contract, and can't just talk all day. I'm not a phone person really anyhow. I'm a "functional" phone person....I say what I have to say (i.e. meet me at such-and-such at 5 pm) in 3-4 minutes or less and then I'm done.
But, since the advent of texting, it kind of saves me a little money on airtime, since it only cost a few cents to send one, versus actually using per-minute airtime to talk. It also saves me from my friends that like to go on "tangents" with their conversations. It allows me to tailor, and or control it a little more.....say what I have to say and be done.
I also use the old landline/payphone trick. It saves me a lot of money. Someone calls. I let it roll to voicemail, and then call them back from a payphone. Only 50 cents for the call, and I can "talk" a bit longer if they need to, since the call is paid for already now. Who say's I can't have "unlimited" nights and weekends! LOL
They get a little upset or out of sorts sometimes when I cut the call short. But they fail to remember or realize that I don't have a contract, and can't just talk all day. I'm not a phone person really anyhow. I'm a "functional" phone person....I say what I have to say (i.e. meet me at such-and-such at 5 pm) in 3-4 minutes or less and then I'm done.
But, since the advent of texting, it kind of saves me a little money on airtime, since it only cost a few cents to send one, versus actually using per-minute airtime to talk. It also saves me from my friends that like to go on "tangents" with their conversations. It allows me to tailor, and or control it a little more.....say what I have to say and be done.
I also use the old landline/payphone trick. It saves me a lot of money. Someone calls. I let it roll to voicemail, and then call them back from a payphone. Only 50 cents for the call, and I can "talk" a bit longer if they need to, since the call is paid for already now. Who say's I can't have "unlimited" nights and weekends! LOL
Thursday, May 29, 2008
CrackHeads Rule!
Last night I went to what I thought would be a quiet spot to get some sleep. Even though it was chilly outside, I would trade it for a quiet nights sleep for a minute. However, what I found upon arrival at a local area church off 14th street was off the chain. When I climbed the steps, I was greeted by several crackheads, (actually using the pipe when I arrived). They were kind of divided into little "communities" or families if you will. The "lady of the house" that I copped a spot near, greeted me (while hitting her pipe, and searching for the crumbs on the ground) and immediately started to question me. She wanted to know if I had been there before (she did'nt remember me from the last time not so long ago....2 weeks), and immediately wanted to know if I had (lol...get this....a gun). Then she wanted to know if I had any money. After I started to engage her....it "seemed" as though she wanted to talk for a minute. So I did even though I was tired. However, as SOON as she found out I didn't have any money, she immediately said that she didn't want to talk anymore.
I guess what appeared to be her man appeared. He was with her the last time that I came there to get some rest. It was colder though, and they were rapped up in their blankets etc. The only time they saw me, was when "he" got up to take a piss and run the street for a minute. He didn't remember me either though, because the last time that I saw him, he was standing over me "tweaking"! He was really high then, and very erratic in his movements. Everytime he moved, my eyes would open (trying to keep track of him). And it's a good thing that I did, because he would be standing over me each time.
Last night however was different though. He did'nt seem to remember me either though. He asked me if I had been there before, to which I replied yes. He asked me then if I would move around the corner from where they were. I told him no, (because there was ample room for all of us and this was a public place). He started to get nervous, and went over and whispered something to his girl (so much for whispering....cause I heard just about everything). He told his girl that I might be "5-0".......and took her around the corner to the other side of the porch on the church. They disappeared for what seemed an eternity, but was only less than 5 minutes. I sat up immediately not knowing if he was going to come around the corner with a brick or gun or something. When he didn't come back within about 10 minutes, I left and went to find another location I thought would be safer. It was a long night.
I guess what appeared to be her man appeared. He was with her the last time that I came there to get some rest. It was colder though, and they were rapped up in their blankets etc. The only time they saw me, was when "he" got up to take a piss and run the street for a minute. He didn't remember me either though, because the last time that I saw him, he was standing over me "tweaking"! He was really high then, and very erratic in his movements. Everytime he moved, my eyes would open (trying to keep track of him). And it's a good thing that I did, because he would be standing over me each time.
Last night however was different though. He did'nt seem to remember me either though. He asked me if I had been there before, to which I replied yes. He asked me then if I would move around the corner from where they were. I told him no, (because there was ample room for all of us and this was a public place). He started to get nervous, and went over and whispered something to his girl (so much for whispering....cause I heard just about everything). He told his girl that I might be "5-0".......and took her around the corner to the other side of the porch on the church. They disappeared for what seemed an eternity, but was only less than 5 minutes. I sat up immediately not knowing if he was going to come around the corner with a brick or gun or something. When he didn't come back within about 10 minutes, I left and went to find another location I thought would be safer. It was a long night.
Appreciating your input.....assistance
This is a special thanks to those that have posted information & resources that provide for the assistance of homeless individuals. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the concerns of everyday life, that we take for granted things done.
Thanks to the good peep that posted the information about Bread For The City info, and also the good peep that listed this blog with DC Blogs. Thank you.
It comes with much appreciation.
D.
HOMELESSJOBLESSHUNGRYNDC@YAHOO.COM
Thanks to the good peep that posted the information about Bread For The City info, and also the good peep that listed this blog with DC Blogs. Thank you.
It comes with much appreciation.
D.
HOMELESSJOBLESSHUNGRYNDC@YAHOO.COM
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Stay Encouraged....Be Strong.......Keep Optimism!
I hope that anyone, if anyone, reading this that may be in a similar boat, can stay strong, and encouraged, and realize that hopefully things will not alway be as they are. I work on a daily basis to set small, realistic goals for myself that I know that I can attain. I set them a little on the small side so that they are not over-whelming, and then I get discouraged....and quit.
Like a Gray Mare
The gray hairs are coming out with a ferocity now. I used to be able to keep up with them. Thank goodness for "Just for Men". The guys in the locker room at the gym stare.....but it's a necessary evil that I have to do. After I get my workout, I have to work the gray out!
It only takes me about 10 minutes.......and I feel so much better, and younger after I'm done. It does a lot for my self-esteem.
It only takes me about 10 minutes.......and I feel so much better, and younger after I'm done. It does a lot for my self-esteem.
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